I took a flashlight and walking slowly I entered this world, my world. And slowly, I am recognizing this place, which is not lost as I though, or completely dark, or ugly....it is just a little messed up.
I put the flashlight aside and with my hands, I started cleaning up and putting things on their own place. And I can say that I am not afraid anymore.
Opposing all my thoughts, my world is magnificently beautiful and it is, indeed, where I chose to be. I think I just may spend a long time there, until it is free of all the dust that I let in. I welcome myself to my Home Sweet Home. ;)

Too personal and private to be read....let's share.

Where in space am I?
It feels like I've lived a hundred years and built nothing behind.
I never feel my feet hiting the ground, I never feel like I belong anywhere, besides in Portland.
I've always been so smart, such a quick learner. It's almost like I learn things by osmosis.
But where did it go to? Why isn't it well applied? Why am I almost 26 years old and still don't have a college degree? Does it matter now the fact that I was one year ahead at school my whole life?

Why does it feel like I've just flied all over the place and did nothing practical with my life?
Maybe I thought I would find Neverland and never grow up.
I am strong, I go after what I want, I am courageous, I like taking risks, I hate the monotony, I love learning from everything and everyone, I like complex things......but.....where am I now?
Have I been just spinning around and around and just now I stopped so dizzy trying to figure out where the hell I am and who the hell I am?

Where are my friends? Where are the people I used to talk to? All I see now is a computer screen...

Where is all that passion that used to make me so excited about everything ??? Now, when things happen, I am almost apathetic to them. I don't feel the happiness, I don't feel the sadness, I don't feel......I just suppose...
Do I still have a heart ??? Do I still have any adrenalin pumping on my veins???

I always loved moving around all the time. Always playing sports, riding bikes, swimming, running here and there. Where is my energy now? Where is my health?

What have I done to myself ????

It makes me wanna scream, it makes me wanna go back in time and forget about living life freely with no worries and carve a path, with determination and with results.....so then I can enjoy life freely with no worries, after I have got something more real....because the world is a real place. Not like the ones I created and escaped to. Think I spent too much time outside and now it's hard to get aquainted...

Where is the greatness about me that people say all the time? What do they see that I don't?

Shouldn't I be supposed to know myself more than anyone else????

I am not great.....I am just an almost 26 years old pack of dreams and delusions.

"Beim beim beim", says the alarm clock. Now it's time to wake up!