Uuuggghhhh

I've been thinking about this a lot my whole life, but I never found the reason why.
Seriously....I'm such a good person. I have my faults. Like I'm very moody and impatient. Sometimes I can be very rude. But I'm always doing the good. And I wonder why bad things happen to me !!!
Do good people deserve the bad things ??? Why do the bad people are always achieving things and get things their way and don't even suffer ???

I don't know.....being a human sometimes is really tiring. Trying to grow, learn, be good, be perfect, be peaceful, be responsible..............

I am tired !!!!! I am tired of trying to be the best for everyone !!! I am tired of being afraid that if I'm not great, I'll be alone !!! I am tired of feeling guilty for every shit that happens !!! I am tired of overthinking, overfeeling, over reacting.....I am tired of counting with myself and not being able to borrow someone's else shoulder to cry my damn problems.

Can I please stop being a coward and accept people in my life? Can I just for one day feel that if I make mistakes, it's gonna be ok? Can I cry ??? Or is it too much to ask for ??? Because I find it very hard to cry...

Can I be a human ??? Because it's fucked up trying not be a shitty one !!!