Let's make a mess!!!

"Ticking away, the moment that makes up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way" (Time - Pink Floyd)

I woke up today, did what I had to do and came back downstairs to lay down and try to go back to sleep.
I would sleep for about 4 hours before having to go to work.
I couldn't fall asleep...too much noise around...too much in my head...
So I got up and made myself a cup of coffee.
Looked over the windows and saw a beautiful day outside. It is gorgeous, actually.
Got my coffee and went back to my room, with the curtain down...crawled into the covers and started playing brazilian songs on the radio. They calm me down...

Thinking about what to do with this free time...I got my art bag. It has all of my drawings from when I was taking art classes in Portland. Some books, my charcoals, pencils, erasers...whatever...
Got one of my pads and found this drawing from 2 years ago...

It got me really pondering about how much time I have wasted and how much time I'm wasting...

When did I lose the inspiration, the creativity, the sensibility, the passion to make art? Where is that insightful girl that surrounded herself in art....drawings, paintings, music, galleries, staring at the horizon with vague eyes but  just because inside her head there were billions of things crossing and getting her to move?

I complain so much about how time passes by so fast....how I'm getting older and have done anything with my life. How I am starting all over now, not even sure if this is the right thing. I'm just moving...

I don't recognize faces, I don't recognize places, I don't recognize feelings....

I'm underestimating myself and expecting that other people will do the opposite. haha

I definitely don't like the way I'm taking my life right now....because right now...it is blank....

Since when I'm the kind of person that has a blank, blend, meaningless life??? Since when???

I'd better start picking up my things and mess it all over again, because trying to organize everything is taking a long time and is not necessarily how it should be.

My room is the reflection of my interior...it's a mess, a complete mess, an awful jungle. But I know exactly where things are, how to find them and deal with it.

It's time to stop, tell those that want a NEAT Najara to fuck off, because i'm a MESS. And messy makes me happy! :)

Organizing is an offhand way to waste and fritter my time....in a metaphorical way of saying.
I just want to rest my bones next to a fireplace when i'm older and watch the sun shine and be happy about it. :)