I just got my flight back home request from the agency.
It made me get a little nervous. I feel weak...like I'm gonna faint.

I am super happy that I'll get to see my family, and eat the food that I love. But....I don't want to leave.

I've got this anguish now in my chest....that makes me want to burst in tears. They are so sttuborn and don't fall....so this feeling keeps growing and taking place everywhere.

I want to stay here........Brazil is not home for me. It's a vacation place. Ok...San Francisco is a vacation place also....but waaaaay better. Living here is like living a dream. Everything you want and need...you can find here. My dream is close to the end now.

There is no word....nothing...to describe the pain in my chest right now.
That's exactly how it feels.....empty....hallow......

Random Thoughts

Today is a beautiful day.
The sky is clear. A blue that sends me beyond my mind can reach.
I sit by the bridge, and I observe everything around. The trees are changing colors, the leaves are falling. The flowers are still open and they smell nicely. The squirrels are running all around looking for their nuts on the ground.
I watch the water flowing underneath my feet. I pick some little rocks and throw in the water. I like the sound it makes and the waves that forms around it. Everything is just beautiful.

I miss what once was happiness.

I wonder, when was it happiness?

I search, I don't find, I keep still.

I look to the horizon, I can't see the end.....there is no end. Then I think "there is hope,still".

As the world goes round, so I do. Maybe I don't follow this movements, it feels more like an "up and down"...the bottom is not fun at all.

I can't get enough spring to go to the top again, and I think I might be growing roots as I can't jump. If there is something that I hate the most, it's being stuck. Not able to move anywhere.

So I turn my eyes and my mind back to the place I am. And there is still peace. I'm waiting for my turn to flourish and bloom. ;)